My Name Is Garrett Kelly, You Stole My Style, Prepare To ….

OMG.

This is my first actual fan submission – my sister-in-law Sasha texted me this shot of herself posing on the street trying on a new jacket and hat. Its got sparkles, sequins, rhinestones, and plenty of pizazz. So shouldn’t I be excited about it?

The problem is: THIS IS ALL WRONG. A big old Tic-Tac-NO.

You see, Sasha and I work together and ever since I hopped on the job there has been an unspoken battle between us, a daily duel waged beside the water cooler. Every morning we circle each other in the kitchen like a scene out of West Side Story, sizing up our opponent, snarling out ‘compliments’ about the articles of clothing we’re most jealous of: “nice bolo tie…..”, “what’s that thing in your hair … love it…”, then privately go back to our cubicles to stew and plot another day.

So when I got this text message I flinched. This is a test right?

Granted this coat is made out of sequins – the bread and butter of this here blog – but does Sasha really think I’m so naive? That I would not see this for the forgery it is? Where is the taste? You cannot just simply pick up whatever flashy garment you find on a $1.00 rack outside of an overpriced vintage store and call it good. It needs to SING.

Which makes this even more devastating. Because if you look at Sasha’s Etsy you’ll see that she does have impeccable taste and craft. She would not be my arch-nemesis if I did not find her a worthy opponent. So this photograph… I must chalk it up to a clever ruse to try and shame me in front of my new fan-base. I can’t look at this image and not think it’s an attempt at mocking me. Well not this time Sasha. Joke’s on you.

P.S. I actually love the gemstone hat. Dammit.

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